I feel so alone!
With Brenda Ksionzyk
Being alone can feel like a reprieve from the busyness of our days. It can be an active choice that offers us some well-deserved rest. It may leave us feeling peaceful and restored. However, feeling alone can bring up lots of difficult emotions, ones that seem heavy and burdensome. When we feel alone, we may notice varying intensities of sadness, disconnection, desperation, anxiety, or self-doubt creep into the crevices of our isolation. Whatever feelings intrude into the spaces, gently remind yourself that these are your emotional signals whispering (yelling) to you that your very natural, human need to connect is not being met, yet…
It is hard to imagine feeling so lonely when you are surrounded by people. And yet, we do. In fact, it is such a common human experience that many of the best songs we know are written about it! I bet you can name a few! But how is it that, in a world full of people, we can still feel so alone? I have felt that way from time to time. I have worked with all kinds of people, in many different circumstances, who experience the pain attached to loneliness.
As fall unfolds, we are in transition. I think about the children that I used to work with who have just returned to school. It can be a time of excitement and fullness: a reconnection to friends, extracurricular activities, and overflowing schedules. For some children, this return to ‘togetherness’ only heightens their internalized sense of being alone and left behind. I speak to people who feel alone in their marriages, their families, their friendships, or at work. Major life transitions like a move, a new job, an end to a relationship, or a new life stage like retirement and empty nest, can foster feelings of loneliness. The death of a loved one can leave people feeling completely alone in the depths of grief and mourning; a time when people often need connection and the presence of others the most.
We are biologically driven to connect to other people. How wonderful that you have found your way into the therapeutic space where connection is prioritized above all else! Feeling alone can shift to a healing space of choosing to be alone, when we have the opportunity to explore and process the deep roots of our feelings, in safety and without judgment. You begin to heal the alone parts in connection to another. You feel less alone when someone holds your story with care, hears it, seeks to understand it, and validates your experiences as natural and logical. As you begin to develop insights and foster personal awareness, you can unearth and learn to express your most pressing needs. How brave it is to tap into your beautiful, authentic self. When you strengthen your self-connection, you are more able to communicate your needs and build stronger relationships with those around you. Healing is in connection; aloneness struggles to thrive there!
