Understanding Our Inner Critic
With Olivia Bates
Struggling with low self-esteem? You are not alone.
We all have that voice inside our heads — sometimes just a whisper in the background, other times relentless, harsh, and consuming. It tells us we’re not good enough, not successful enough, not smart enough, or that we are unworthy, unlovable, or too flawed.
This is what we call our inner critic.
No one is born with an inner critic; it is something we develop, often stemming from early life experiences we did not choose. Maybe we grew up with caregivers who were emotionally distant, demanding, or unpredictable. We may have learned that love, approval, or safety was conditional, only earned through our performance, achievements, or pleasing others. Over time, these patterns form our deep internal beliefs — the lens through which we view ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Your inner critic may sound like:
- The Perfectionist — setting impossibly high standards and punishing yourself for shortcomings.
- The Taskmaster — constantly pushing you to do more to prove your worth.
- The Inner Controller — shaming you for being “too emotional” or behaving “wrong,” despite the fact that we are human and inevitably make mistakes.
- The Underminer — insisting you’re never good enough or deserving of love or success.
While these voices often feel like they define us, they are just well-rehearsed thoughts. The inner critic develops for protection — protecting us from failure, rejection, disappointment, humiliation, or shame. But over time, what once helped us can become what holds us back, keeping us stuck, small, fearful, and disconnected from our true selves. The good news is these thoughts are not you, just well-rehearsed thinking that become habits, and habits can be rewired.
In our work together, we can begin to trace where these beliefs came from — not to place blame, but to understand. This understanding softens judgment and loosens the critic’s grip. It is not about fixing you — you were never broken—but rediscovering your worth to take up space. Softening your inner critic does not mean silencing it, rather building a kinder inner voice; one rooted in understanding and not fear, one that helps you grow and not shrink — a voice worth listening to.
You don’t have to keep living at war with yourself. I’d be honoured to walk with you as you reconnect with your true, kinder self.
