By Kate Pinsonneault
Have you ever planned to do something and then found a part of you was holding you back? That’s what we call a polarization in IFS. There’s a part of you that sees the value in doing something but another part that just doesn’t want to for some reason. If that should happen, try listening to both parts without taking sides. Here are some questions to ask them, “Tell me why you would like me to do….” “What are you afraid would happen if we didn’t do that?” Let it know you understand. Then ask, “Do you know the other part exists and has a different agenda?” “Would you be open to hearing what it has to say?
Ask the other part the same two questions about its purpose and its fears. Again, let it know that you get it. Now introduce the two parts and ask if they can come to an agreement. Help them to understand each others’ concerns and what they want for you. Let them know that you value what both do for you, but that you need them to find a balanced, workable compromise. When you are ok with what they came up with, thank them for their willingness to work together to support you.
Remember that all of your parts have good intentions, and when they are understood and appreciated, you will have a more positive relationship with them.