With Lianne Labistour
Are you noticing that you and your partner are bickering or getting defensive? Do you feel more like roommates than connected, intimate partners? Are you having the same maddening disagreements about household tasks, parenting, sex, money, and in-laws over and over again? You’re absolutely not alone.
Relationships can be tricky — even the best of them. I get it. I’ve been married for 20 years in a blended family (which brings a whole new set of challenges). Patterns tend to get ingrained over the years and, after a while, can feel like they’re no longer working for one or both of you.
What you’ll address in couples sessions is totally up to you, and the pace and tone will always aim to be calm, supportive and constructive. If you’re thinking of meeting with a couples therapist (like me), here are a few things to expect:
- The first session with your counsellor as a couple gives you the opportunity to discuss the problems you’re struggling with, gives the therapist a sense of your shared take on the issues, and gives us all a chance to see if we’re a fit.
- For many counsellors, but not all, the second time you meet with your counsellor will be on your own, as individuals. Here, we can explore sensitive topics that might need extra care before bringing them up to your partner.
- After that, we would have weekly sessions so we can gain clarity, heal old hurts that may be surfacing, increase understanding and compassion for each other, and create new patterns with new skills that can bring lasting change. After we’ve built some momentum, clients may choose to come bi-weekly or monthly for check-ins or some “fine-tuning.”
- Things might feel uncomfortable at first — that’s normal. Examining our histories, challenging ourselves to try new ways of communicating, and becoming more understanding, patient or generous takes time, but couples can often see positive changes after just a few weeks.